While our biggest superstar did enough to spice up our Independence Day afternoon, and while the rest of the country is busy wondering if this was yet well-crafted celebrity stunt by our Badshah, Roger learns about quite an interesting interrogation that went along in Newark Airport. Oh, the script was passed on to Roger (by somebody who has chosen to be anonymous) while the Badshah was busy giving 45-minute-interviews to every single national channel in India (and 20-minute-interviews to every single regional channel in India). Well, we know he didn't have enough time to wish us a Happy Independence Day during those interviews... but well, we can certainly forgive him for that, can't we? :-)
(Actors: IO = Immigration Officer; SRK = SRK. Naam to suna hoga?)
IO: Name?
SRK: The name is Khan. King Khan. Naam to suna hoga?
IO: King...? Like Billie Jean King?
SRK: No I am Sher Khan. They call me the King.
IO: ...they?
SRK: My people.
IO: Your people?
SRK: I mean my fans.
IO: Oh I see. What do you do Mr. Khan?
SRK: Hey Guddu, you dunno who I am?
IO: Your passport doesn't say anything Sir.
SRK: So why are you questioning me?
IO: Mr Khan, we have information that you are 'most wanted'. Police from 11 countries are actually after you...
SRK: Oh yes dude, I was the Don, and....
IO: Yes that's what we understand. Who else works with you, Mr Khan?
SRK: Oh, Mona, Narang and many others. But hey, its a mistake. Don was a movie. I was the star of the film. You know Bollywood? Slumdog Millionaire? Jai Ho? I am the King of Bollywood. I act. I dance. I run quiz shows. I run cricket teams.
IO: Mr. Khan, but we don't play cricket here. Nor do we like to run quiz shows.... what brings you here? You are going to dance?
SRK: Ah, err, umm... well... I usually come to US for films...
IO: You had been here earlier Mr. Khan? For a film?
SRK: Yes dude. Last month. With my friend K-K-K-Karan.
IO: That's the name of the film?
SRK: Of course not. My name is Khan.
IO: Yes we know that. But could you tell us your film's name?
SRK: Yes. My name is Khan.
IO: Mr. Khan, we can very well see that in your passport. But could you please tell me the name of your film?
SRK: Abey ghonchu. That's what I told you. My film's name is 'My name is Khan'. That's the name of my film. Like 'My name is Cruise' or 'My name is Hanks'...
IO: We don't have films of that name. 'My name is Khan'? What sort of name is that? Is it a documentary by the way?
SRK: No dude, its about Muslims getting harassed in airports. Like I am getting right now...
IO: Mr. Khan, did you just say we are harassing you?
SRK: Dude, dude, hold on hold on. That was last month. I am not here to act now... geeee..... cool man... cool cool ....
IO: So what is your purpose of visit Mr. Khan?
SRK: Oh dude, I am here to dance.
IO: Dance? Where would you dance Mr Khan?
SRK: Oh many places. I would dance in Dallas. I would dance in Chicago, in New York, in LA, maybe in the Grand Canyon... all over your country you know...
IO: You mean everywhere in US? But why?
SRK: Dude, we are here to celebrate the Independence Day!
IO: Mr Khan, Independence Day was on 4th of July. This is August. Are you telling me... ?
SRK: Dude, that's in US. We have the Independence Day tomorrow. In India.
IO: India? You mean India's got Independence Days too?
SRK: Only one. 15 of August.
IO: Wow! That's cool I never knew that. India's is surely picking up!
SRK: He he... we have a Christmas too, and a New Year. We have Dusshera, like you have Halloween... he he... see, all same? India-US... can I go now Sam?
IO: My name is not Sam. My name is Tony.
SRK: My name is Khan. Sher Khan.
IO: I know that Mr Khan.Tell me, if its Independence day in your country, what're you doin' here?
SRK: (face turns to a Bengali 5)... I would dance.
IO: You'll dance? Independence in India and you dance here?
SRK: He he... you see Sam....
IO: I am not Sam !
SRK: Sorry, Tony... you see I dance in front of NRIs..they celebrate Independence day.. I get dollars... he he he ...
IO: Dollars? US Dollars?
SRK: US Dollars sir, only US Dollars. No Australian Dollars. Australian Dollars in Australia. Singapore Dollars in Singapore. US Dolla....
IO: Mr Khan, we have to check whether receiving money like this is in okay with US laws. Whether you pay tax in US.
SRK: Come on dude, I have been in US so many times... I make movies...I can show you... KHNH, KANK, K3G...
IO: Not these Mr Khan, we need to see W2. And also 1040 and if possible 1099.
SRK: (Confused). What are these? Fighter jets?
IO: Mr Khan, these are US tax return files.
SRK: Sorry dude, I meant Kal Ho Na Ho.. my film ... in New York... on Brooklyn Bridge...
IO: You'd been to New York? When was it?
SRK: Well let me see... we planned to go... ur umm... towers fell in 2001.. next year.. 2002. Yes ! It was 2002 !
IO: (panic in the Interview room. Everybody is suddenly alert) Mr Khan, what do you know about the twin...?
SRK: ...Twins? No, I didn't know them. I know a triplet though. Farah Khan has them.
IO: Another Khan? What does he do?
SRK: Its a 'she'. I dance. She choreographs my dances.
IO: What do you know about the Twin Towers?
SRK: Sorry, they fell before I met them.
IO: You know other Khans?
SRK: Oh yes, plenty. I know Saif Khan, I know Salman Khan, I know Fardeen Khan, I know Kader Khan, but I don't know Aamir Khan. Please don't ask me about him. I know he is in US though.
IO: Mr Khan, do you know anybody in US who could vouch for you?
SRK: Err, umm... I knew Michael. He danced very well. In India we have lot of people who try to dance like him. But Michael is dead. We were supposed to dance together in London.
IO: You mean MJ?
SRK: Yo man. Yo !
IO: Come on Mr Khan. There must be other people in US who can vouch for you?
SRK: Oh yes, of course. There's Sam. Sexy Sam.
IO: (sits up) Sam? You know Sam?
SRK: Oh yes. Always in a colourful suit. Always with chics. Posh apartment in NYC. Yo man ! He is my idol !!
IO: He's our uncle !! How'd ya know Uncle Sam, Mr Khan?
SRK: Oh, I thought you knew that already. I ran off ...err... married his daughter-in...(gulps) I mean I married his daughter (once).
IO: Mr Khan, our sincere apologies. Why didn't you tell us you were the son-in-law of Uncle Sam? (turns back and yells: Bill getta database updated!)
Welcome to the United States Mr Khan !!!
